a radio was on.

I wrote this on the evening of the senate judiciary hearing: I'm listening to the boys downstairs, watching a movie with Kim and Zoe, relaxing after a day of first grade.  Which you know was arduous in its own way, despite our tendency to think of our children's lives as simpler, or easier than the lives we live.  Asher and a neighbor girl, who is also a gorgeous, healthy six year old, are in the same classroom. Asher brought home a book on dogs from the library today--he told me the neighbor girl showed him where the pets section was in the stacks.  Just that--that sweet interaction, layered with no extra meaning--she knew more about the layout of the library than him and she showed him. Today, with the radio and the television tuned to the Supreme Court hearings, the relative innocence of six year olds could break your heart.  For me, the testimony about the laughter resonated deepest, deeper even than the testimony about the second door. "Indelible in the hippocampus is

I wrote this on the evening of the senate judiciary hearing: I'm listening to the boys downstairs, watching a movie with Kim and Zoe, relaxing after a day of first grade.  Which you know was arduous in its own way, despite our tendency to think of our children's lives as simpler, or easier than the lives we live.  Asher and a neighbor girl, who is also a gorgeous, healthy six year old, are in the same classroom. Asher brought home a book on dogs from the library today--he told me the neighbor girl showed him where the pets section was in the stacks.  Just that--that sweet interaction, layered with no extra meaning--she knew more about the layout of the library than him and she showed him. Today, with the radio and the television tuned to the Supreme Court hearings, the relative innocence of six year olds could break your heart.  For me, the testimony about the laughter resonated deepest, deeper even than the testimony about the second door. "Indelible in the hippocamp

This morning, I opened the cupboard door to get a coffee mug to make Kyle some coffee and a small jar of honey came hurtling out as if it had been pitched, hard, by a tiny elf (I couldn't help thinking of those elves that helped the shoemaker and his wife at night, wondering if they had a miscreant cousin whose job is to try and create small kitchen accidents.  But I digress.).  The jar just missed my head--I am almost sure it was going so fast I felt a small gust of wind.  It shattered on the floor, leaving me in bare feet, surrounded by honey and broken glass. So this jar of honey was a gift from a dear friend on the evening of Rosh Hashanah; she gave it to me with a bag of apples and together we dipped apple slices into the honey and wished each other a sweet new year. What does it mean that my symbol of a sweet new year, a year in which I hope to be inscribed in the book of life, flew out of my cupboard, pitched for my head and smashed to pieces?  At first I thought I was lucky

This morning, I opened the cupboard door to get a coffee mug to make Kyle some coffee and a small jar of honey came hurtling out as if it had been pitched, hard, by a tiny elf (I couldn't help thinking of those elves that helped the shoemaker and his wife at night, wondering if they had a miscreant cousin whose job is to try and create small kitchen accidents.  But I digress.).  The jar just missed my head--I am almost sure it was going so fast I felt a small gust of wind.  It shattered on the floor, leaving me in bare feet, surrounded by honey and broken glass. So this jar of honey was a gift from a dear friend on the evening of Rosh Hashanah; she gave it to me with a bag of apples and together we dipped apple slices into the honey and wished each other a sweet new year. What does it mean that my symbol of a sweet new year, a year in which I hope to be inscribed in the book of life, flew out of my cupboard, pitched for my head and smashed to pieces?  At first I thought I was luc

Let me not bury the lede. My oncologist emailed me today in advance of next week's appointment to tell me that he received the results of the genetic testing and the test identified the EGFR T790M mutation, which means I can start a new drug on Monday that will likely give me another year, or more, of life.  Bury the lede.  That is when a story fails to emphasize the most important part of the story or account.  In journalism, the lede refers to the introductory section of the news story that is intended to entice the reader to read the full story. The spelling lede is an alteration of lead, which makes sense, because shouldn't the main information in a story be found in the first, or lead paragraph.  Some newspaper folks spell it lede, which distinguishes it from lead, which also happens to refer to a thin strip of metal separating lines of type on a Linotype machine which really hasn't been used since the 1970s.  Lede is insider spelling, or romantic spelling. I have buri

Let me not bury the lede. My oncologist emailed me today in advance of next week's appointment to tell me that he received the results of the genetic testing and the test identified the EGFR T790M mutation, which means I can start a new drug on Monday that will likely give me another year, or more, of life.  Bury the lede.  That is when a story fails to emphasize the most important part of the story or account.  In journalism, the lede refers to the introductory section of the news story that is intended to entice the reader to read the full story. The spelling lede is an alteration of lead, which makes sense, because shouldn't the main information in a story be found in the first, or lead paragraph.  Some newspaper folks spell it lede, which distinguishes it from lead, which also happens to refer to a thin strip of metal separating lines of type on a Linotype machine which really hasn't been used since the 1970s.  Lede is insider spelling, or romantic spelling. I have

The thunder came rolling in this afternoon, sweeping out the heat with a hurry of breezes. I sat on the front porch to bear witness. The bog has been sweltering.  The air is heavy and the heron sits motionless, like a statue daring the dogs and the geese to swim close, imperious.  You could miss him so easily. I was at the bog the other day with my mother and my Aunt Rose and there was an unruly man with his unruly dogs.  They were upon us, unleashed, raucous.  Sebby, our puppy, scrambled for protection amidst my feet, and soon there were something like three dogs in-between my legs, one barking sharply.  And the man mumbled and pulled out ineffectual dog treats, and we women were like three nineteenth-century novel's heroines: put out, affronted, highly annoyed. Eventually the situation somehow righted itself, and we went off down the path, self-righteous.  This is the problem with no leashes, we said with our straight backs--it's the owners who don't have their dogs under

The thunder came rolling in this afternoon, sweeping out the heat with a hurry of breezes. I sat on the front porch to bear witness. The bog has been sweltering.  The air is heavy and the heron sits motionless, like a statue daring the dogs and the geese to swim close, imperious.  You could miss him so easily. I was at the bog the other day with my mother and my Aunt Rose and there was an unruly man with his unruly dogs.  They were upon us, unleashed, raucous.  Sebby, our puppy, scrambled for protection amidst my feet, and soon there were something like three dogs in-between my legs, one barking sharply.  And the man mumbled and pulled out ineffectual dog treats, and we women were like three nineteenth-century novel's heroines: put out, affronted, highly annoyed. Eventually the situation somehow righted itself, and we went off down the path, self-righteous.  This is the problem with no leashes, we said with our straight backs--it's the owners who don't have their dogs u

I think I hurt the feelings of the dear friend who referred to this time as the end of my days, and I want to apology.  I really meant to say that even me, with stage four cancer, can't bear to think of this time as the end of times.  Like Gloria Steinem.  And that maybe that is odd to people looking in from the outside.  but you know, my friend was right. the cancer is back--I found out at the oncologist's on Friday.  so mysterious this disease--it's like a shadow on a gray day.  so I'm not going to California for now.  I have a couple of weeks here where we will find out what my treatment options are now--they are narrower but there is some hope I win the genetic lottery and qualify for a different targeted therapy,  Of course I will let you know.  I'll send up a flare for help, or a discreet fireworks to celebrate.  Look to the night sky.

I think I hurt the feelings of the dear friend who referred to this time as the end of my days, and I want to apology.  I really meant to say that even me, with stage four cancer, can't bear to think of this time as the end of times.  Like Gloria Steinem.  And that maybe that is odd to people looking in from the outside.  but you know, my friend was right. the cancer is back--I found out at the oncologist's on Friday.  so mysterious this disease--it's like a shadow on a gray day.  so I'm not going to California for now.  I have a couple of weeks here where we will find out what my treatment options are now--they are narrower but there is some hope I win the genetic lottery and qualify for a different targeted therapy,  Of course I will let you know.  I'll send up a flare for help, or a discreet fireworks to celebrate.  Look to the night sky.