a radio was on.

Avery just came upstairs to share a snack with me: sliced apples and almond butter. I'm reading "The Time Traveler's Wife," and sorry, but no. The conceit of the book would hurt my heart even if it were well written or I liked the characters, but I can't find myself giving a hoot. Please read "Life After Life," by Kate Atkinson, for a gorgeous, thoughtful time traveling, stopping, upending read. But even though I have stage four cancer for Pete's sake, I feel compelled to finish all the books I start, so plow on I will. Anyhow, Avery is about to move to Northampton this week to start a year-long research fellowship related to community outreach, energy use reduction and waste. Lucky for all of us, Zoe is a student at Smith and it brings a real measure of peace to me to think about them tucked away in a coffee shop in Noho with their laptops and books on Buddhist poetry and molecular biology together this upcoming winter. The girls shared a room for y...

Avery just came upstairs to share a snack with me: sliced apples and almond butter. I'm reading "The Time Traveler's Wife," and sorry, but no. The conceit of the book would hurt my heart even if it were well written or I liked the characters, but I can't find myself giving a hoot. Please read "Life After Life," by Kate Atkinson, for a gorgeous, thoughtful time traveling, stopping, upending read. But even though I have stage four cancer for Pete's sake, I feel compelled to finish all the books I start, so plow on I will. Anyhow, Avery is about to move to Northampton this week to start a year-long research fellowship related to community outreach, energy use reduction and waste. Lucky for all of us, Zoe is a student at Smith and it brings a real measure of peace to me to think about them tucked away in a coffee shop in Noho with their laptops and books on Buddhist poetry and molecular biology together this upcoming winter. The girls shared a room f...

Today Tracy started targeted therapy. The drug she is taking, Tarceva, targets the specific cancer causing mutation she has. So now we wait for the medicine to start working and hope for an indefinite period of tumor abatement.

Today Tracy started targeted therapy. The drug she is taking, Tarceva, targets the specific cancer causing mutation she has. So now we wait for the medicine to start working and hope for an indefinite period of tumor abatement.

How was my weekend, you asked? Unexpected missives bearing witness to a dozen tragedies and comedies which took place in the hallowed halls of the office, the snow soaked commutes to kindergarten and lacrosse. The time you and you and you got the phone call from the doctor's office--let's wait a month and try again; gulp, it was positive. The frantic five minutes before daycare closed and the damn red light and it was less the the fact that the irritated daycare worker would grimace as she passed your child to you (adding one dollar for each additional minute after, and more that her resentment might translate into some barely percetible slight got her graham cracker later than everyone else (oh and the ridiculousness of these first world problems which, by the way, is no longer something funny to say, your college sophomore would like to point out). The missed opportunity to go to D.C. The point that the focus on the time at the margins of parenting and work (8:55 a.m. on the ...

How was my weekend, you asked? Unexpected missives bearing witness to a dozen tragedies and comedies which took place in the hallowed halls of the office, the snow soaked commutes to kindergarten and lacrosse. The time you and you and you got the phone call from the doctor's office--let's wait a month and try again; gulp, it was positive. The frantic five minutes before daycare closed and the damn red light and it was less the the fact that the irritated daycare worker would grimace as she passed your child to you (adding one dollar for each additional minute after, and more that her resentment might translate into some barely percetible slight got her graham cracker later than everyone else (oh and the ridiculousness of these first world problems which, by the way, is no longer something funny to say, your college sophomore would like to point out). The missed opportunity to go to D.C. The point that the focus on the time at the margins of parenting and work (8:55 a.m. on t...

I understand some people are struggling with the link to Tracy t-shirts ... If you are interested in purchasing a T-bro t-shirt, please use the link below. https://www.customink.com/g/vkz0-00b3-6bpe Afterward, please email Laura at laura.hoey@ropesgray.com with where the t-shirt should be delivered.

I understand some people are struggling with the link to Tracy t-shirts ... If you are interested in purchasing a T-bro t-shirt, please use the link below. https://www.customink.com/g/vkz0-00b3-6bpe Afterward, please email Laura at laura.hoey@ropesgray.com with where the t-shirt should be delivered.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. This line has always moved me immeasurably--what a profoundly lovely contract to make with the world--and an impossibly poetical aspiration. How would you know the calculus? When would you run the numbers? As many of you heard yesterday, from my beloved game time analyzer, I got some good news from the treatment and prognosis side of the house. My medical team could possibly be described as looking tickled when they came into the room to share the results of the genetic testing. At the moment, and at that specific moment, I happen to be experiencing pain in some new ways: the pain in my bones is uncharted territory for me. I'm not going to really cite to Pollyanna right now (oh, yes I am: the first in a line of best-selling Glad books published in 1913 by Eleanor H. Porter.) When Pollyanna is struck by a car and loses the use of her legs, she realizes that the loss has made her so glad she ever had the gift of strong ...

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. This line has always moved me immeasurably--what a profoundly lovely contract to make with the world--and an impossibly poetical aspiration. How would you know the calculus? When would you run the numbers? As many of you heard yesterday, from my beloved game time analyzer, I got some good news from the treatment and prognosis side of the house. My medical team could possibly be described as looking tickled when they came into the room to share the results of the genetic testing. At the moment, and at that specific moment, I happen to be experiencing pain in some new ways: the pain in my bones is uncharted territory for me. I'm not going to really cite to Pollyanna right now (oh, yes I am: the first in a line of best-selling Glad books published in 1913 by Eleanor H. Porter.) When Pollyanna is struck by a car and loses the use of her legs, she realizes that the loss has made her so glad she ever had the gift of ...

We learned today that Tracy's cancer is the result of a known mutation, EGFR (exon 19 deletion), which means she is a candidate for targeted therapy. The meds are being ordered from a specialty pharmacy. Tracy will start therapy as soon as the meds arrive. Amidst terrible news, today's news was as good as we could have hoped for. Tracy's prognosis just got a lot better!

Below is a link to a paper re: EGFR mutation. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4979601/#!po=37.0000

Below is a link to a paper re: EGFR mutation. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4979601/#!po=37.0000

We learned today that Tracy's cancer is the result of a known mutation, EGFR (exon 19 deletion), which means she is a candidate for targeted therapy. The meds are being ordered from a specialty pharmacy. Tracy will start therapy as soon as the meds arrive. Amidst terrible news, today's news was as good as we could have hoped for. Tracy's prognosis just got a lot better!

Tracy had an additional biopsy performed this morning. The progression of the cancer in her bones doesn't match that of the lung. Her bones are in worse shape. The oncologist wanted to confirm that the process in her her bones matches that of her lung. So an additional biopsy was performed this morning. A sample was taken from a lesion in Tracy's hip. Until this morning we had not realized that the cancer had spread to Tracy's hip. Anyway, she's out and fine. They were able to get the sample they needed. She will be moved to recovery in the next 15 - 20 minutes.

Tracy had an additional biopsy performed this morning. The progression of the cancer in her bones doesn't match that of the lung. Her bones are in worse shape. The oncologist wanted to confirm that the process in her her bones matches that of her lung. So an additional biopsy was performed this morning. A sample was taken from a lesion in Tracy's hip. Until this morning we had not realized that the cancer had spread to Tracy's hip. Anyway, she's out and fine. They were able to get the sample they needed. She will be moved to recovery in the next 15 - 20 minutes.

As I mentioned earlier, my father is a mathematician. Sometimes his grandchildren affectionately refer to him as Dumbledore behind his back. It might as well be in front of him, because he is just not paying attention at that level to those types of things. Here's a few more details to help develop your sense of my dad. When he was a child, he kept a small notebook in which he would denote names of railroad cars as he saw them on the tracks in Portland, Oregon, where he grew up: Union Pacific Railroad, Norfolk Southern Railroad. When I was a child, he used to keep a tiny Mead spiral notebook in his pocket and maintained lists of things like adjectives starting with the letter "j"--as they came up in conversation. You see the need for authentic experience at the core of making it onto the list. There was no Google of course, to make short work of these carefully crafted lists. Although there was a computer. Long before anyone else had a PC, there was a computer in our hous...

As I mentioned earlier, my father is a mathematician. Sometimes his grandchildren affectionately refer to him as Dumbledore behind his back. It might as well be in front of him, because he is just not paying attention at that level to those types of things. Here's a few more details to help develop your sense of my dad. When he was a child, he kept a small notebook in which he would denote names of railroad cars as he saw them on the tracks in Portland, Oregon, where he grew up: Union Pacific Railroad, Norfolk Southern Railroad. When I was a child, he used to keep a tiny Mead spiral notebook in his pocket and maintained lists of things like adjectives starting with the letter "j"--as they came up in conversation. You see the need for authentic experience at the core of making it onto the list. There was no Google of course, to make short work of these carefully crafted lists. Although there was a computer. Long before anyone else had a PC, there was a computer in our...

These days, we have been working our way through some difficult conversations with the five year-old twins with all the deftness and agility of elephants dancing Swan Lake. Asher has picked up on my propensity to label repetitive tasks which are part and parcel of having a body "boring." Asher: why do I have to pee every night before bed? Me: I know, it's boring, isn't it? You just have to suffer through it with the rest of the human race. Yesterday he informed Kyle that he thinks death is "boring" and is also really ticked off that alligators and crocodiles live longer than humans. File that under unfair and boring. On the vague theory that I would die when they were relatively young since I'm what they call an older mom when it comes to the twins (I was what they call a younger mom when it came to the big kids, but only because other 24 year olds in graduate school didn't feel the need to immediately procreate at the same time as they wrote thousan...

Keep this in mind, I love you mommy.

Keep this in mind, I love you mommy.

These days, we have been working our way through some difficult conversations with the five year-old twins with all the deftness and agility of elephants dancing Swan Lake. Asher has picked up on my propensity to label repetitive tasks which are part and parcel of having a body "boring." Asher: why do I have to pee every night before bed? Me: I know, it's boring, isn't it? You just have to suffer through it with the rest of the human race. Yesterday he informed Kyle that he thinks death is "boring" and is also really ticked off that alligators and crocodiles live longer than humans. File that under unfair and boring. On the vague theory that I would die when they were relatively young since I'm what they call an older mom when it comes to the twins (I was what they call a younger mom when it came to the big kids, but only because other 24 year olds in graduate school didn't feel the need to immediately procreate at the same time as they wrote th...

Yesterday Tracy met with an oncologist at MGH; she really liked him. The oncologist educated both of us about lung cancer and the various ways the cancer may be treated. Tracy is awaiting results from initial testing and still has a number of tests to get done before a full diagnostician be given and a treatment plan can be implemented.

Yesterday Tracy met with an oncologist at MGH; she really liked him. The oncologist educated both of us about lung cancer and the various ways the cancer may be treated. Tracy is awaiting results from initial testing and still has a number of tests to get done before a full diagnostician be given and a treatment plan can be implemented.

I said remember this moment in the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the Kings and the Queens And they read off our names The night you danced like you knew our lives Would never be the same You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age Long live the walls we crashed through How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered I said remember this feeling I pass the pictures around Of all the years that we stood there On the side-lines wishing for right now We are the Kings and the Queens You traded your baseball cap for a crown When they gave us our trophies And we held them up for our town And the cynics were outraged Screaming, "This is absurd!" Cause for a moment a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the world Long live the walls we cra...

I said remember this moment in the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the Kings and the Queens And they read off our names The night you danced like you knew our lives Would never be the same You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age Long live the walls we crashed through How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming long live all the magic we made And bring on all the pretenders One day, we will be remembered I said remember this feeling I pass the pictures around Of all the years that we stood there On the side-lines wishing for right now We are the Kings and the Queens You traded your baseball cap for a crown When they gave us our trophies And we held them up for our town And the cynics were outraged Screaming, "This is absurd!" Cause for a moment a band of thieves In ripped up jeans got to rule the wor...

My father is a math professor and my mother is an attorney, and when we were little, we often took trips with my father, who organized his teaching schedule to have summers off. We saw a bear amble past the bonfire in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. We saw the coal paper shacks of the very poor in West Virginia, and I was scared but couldn't have said of what. One summer we went to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. We signed up to go on a four mile hike down into the cave. My pants (bell bottom jeans with flowers imprinted on them--this was the seventies) were too loose around the waist for my dad's assessment of my safety, so he decided to make me a belt. Right there in the parking lot of Mammoth Cave, he cut a length of rope and burnt each of the ends, so that the wax melted and the "belt" would not unravel. I was in late elementary school, and I was mortified by the rope belt. The guide explained the route to us as we gathered at the entrance to the cave. Busily inspecti...

My father is a math professor and my mother is an attorney, and when we were little, we often took trips with my father, who organized his teaching schedule to have summers off. We saw a bear amble past the bonfire in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. We saw the coal paper shacks of the very poor in West Virginia, and I was scared but couldn't have said of what. One summer we went to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. We signed up to go on a four mile hike down into the cave. My pants (bell bottom jeans with flowers imprinted on them--this was the seventies) were too loose around the waist for my dad's assessment of my safety, so he decided to make me a belt. Right there in the parking lot of Mammoth Cave, he cut a length of rope and burnt each of the ends, so that the wax melted and the "belt" would not unravel. I was in late elementary school, and I was mortified by the rope belt. The guide explained the route to us as we gathered at the entrance to the cave. Busily ins...

After the doctors left the room, I turned to Kyle and said: "are there any stages after four?" She shook her head sadly. I knew that but wanted a different answer. If you know Zoe, you know she takes control of the uncontrollable by organizing the living hell out of it. She's on her way over to the hospital now, and will have this place sparkling in a matter of minutes. Avery sends me photos of the tiniest flutter of movement in the woods behind the house. "Look, mom! That was a squirrel!" She sends me audio files of birds. The Eastern PeeWee. You should listen to it. Cameron makes pithy jokes about the efficacy of leeches and hugs me in his shockingly strong arms. Zach "dropped by" from his job in Ohio, looking like a tree, and waxed poetic about the way buildings at the university where he works are named after fast food chains. He brought me a burrito, like an offering. Asher and Elijah came for the first time last night, making the grown-ups tear u...

We are finally home after what seems like a night terror. Tracy was supposed to have a biopsy of her sternum today to confirm that the cancer in her sternum is the same cancer as she has in her lung, but there wasn't room in the OR schedule. So, Tracy will go back at a yet to be determined time to have the additional biopsy performed.

We are finally home after what seems like a night terror. Tracy was supposed to have a biopsy of her sternum today to confirm that the cancer in her sternum is the same cancer as she has in her lung, but there wasn't room in the OR schedule. So, Tracy will go back at a yet to be determined time to have the additional biopsy performed.

After the doctors left the room, I turned to Kyle and said: "are there any stages after four?" She shook her head sadly. I knew that but wanted a different answer. If you know Zoe, you know she takes control of the uncontrollable by organizing the living hell out of it. She's on her way over to the hospital now, and will have this place sparkling in a matter of minutes. Avery sends me photos of the tiniest flutter of movement in the woods behind the house. "Look, mom! That was a squirrel!" She sends me audio files of birds. The Eastern PeeWee. You should listen to it. Cameron makes pithy jokes about the efficacy of leeches and hugs me in his shockingly strong arms. Zach "dropped by" from his job in Ohio, looking like a tree, and waxed poetic about the way buildings at the university where he works are named after fast food chains. He brought me a burrito, like an offering. Asher and Elijah came for the first time last night, making the grown-...

The brain MRI results came back clean - no evidence of cancer migration to the brain.

We were visited by a team of oncologists today. The pathologist has concluded that Tracy has non-small cell lung carcinoma. Which type of NSCLC she has is yet to be determined, but the pathologist believes, based on the cell morphology observed under the microscope, that Tracy is dealing with adenocarcinoma. We won't know the type for sure for a few more days.

We were visited by a team of oncologists today. The pathologist has concluded that Tracy has non-small cell lung carcinoma. Which type of NSCLC she has is yet to be determined, but the pathologist believes, based on the cell morphology observed under the microscope, that Tracy is dealing with adenocarcinoma. We won't know the type for sure for a few more days.

The brain MRI results came back clean - no evidence of cancer migration to the brain.

Read in the police log of the Carlisle Mosquito the day I found out I have lung and bone cancer: Police responded to report that woman heard music coming from in the house. Police investigated: the radio was on. We laughed. Imagining the embarrassment of the woman at the results of the investigation. Quietly grateful, while a documentary about Syria flickered on the screen, that our town's police log contains such larks of calls. But as I turn over in my head the various symptoms and moments of pain and exhaustion I weathered through in the last six months--has it been a year? it's a torturous game to play (when did that aching start?)--I think, the radio was on. I have to learn to listen to this music and identify where it is coming from, what the lyrics signify. The radio is on, my lovely friends and dearest dearest my heart could break family. I hope you'll listen with me. Much love, Trace

Tracy is out of surgery. The surgeon said the procedure went well. He thinks that he got the tissue samples they need, and he is asking for the tissue to be processed on an expedited basis. I haven't seen Tracy yet, though. Aside: The OR had a lot of emergency treatments today and got behind schedule. I swear we waited in the surgery bullpen for a longer period of time than the entire procedure. A few bays down, a guy completely lost it with the staff for not having his wife's surgery completed in a timely fashion. Making matters better, the surgeon refused to come talk to the guy b/c the delay was not the surgeon's fault. Ummmm ...... If you are the wife in that equation, don't you run for the hills? Who fights with their surgeon in advance of surgery? Nope

Tracy is out of surgery. The surgeon said the procedure went well. He thinks that he got the tissue samples they need, and he is asking for the tissue to be processed on an expedited basis. I haven't seen Tracy yet, though. Aside: The OR had a lot of emergency treatments today and got behind schedule. I swear we waited in the surgery bullpen for a longer period of time than the entire procedure. A few bays down, a guy completely lost it with the staff for not having his wife's surgery completed in a timely fashion. Making matters better, the surgeon refused to come talk to the guy b/c the delay was not the surgeon's fault. Ummmm ...... If you are the wife in that equation, don't you run for the hills? Who fights with their surgeon in advance of surgery? Nope

Read in the police log of the Carlisle Mosquito the day I found out I have lung and bone cancer: Police responded to report that woman heard music coming from in the house. Police investigated: the radio was on. We laughed. Imagining the embarrassment of the woman at the results of the investigation. Quietly grateful, while a documentary about Syria flickered on the screen, that our town's police log contains such larks of calls. But as I turn over in my head the various symptoms and moments of pain and exhaustion I weathered through in the last six months--has it been a year? it's a torturous game to play (when did that aching start?)--I think, the radio was on. I have to learn to listen to this music and identify where it is coming from, what the lyrics signify. The radio is on, my lovely friends and dearest dearest my heart could break family. I hope you'll listen with me. Much love, Trace