a radio was on.

Hope and fear are two sides of one coin--this Buddhist observation is repeated by Sharon Salzberg, who tells us "we move from hope to fear to hope to fear to hope to fear in an endless loop." Yesterday G. from my metastatic support group died.  She had been in hospice care less than a handful of days.    G. scared the hell out of me the first time I went to group.  She was angry and caustic, I thought; she spoke of chemo as the poison "they" pump into our bodies that was going to kill all of us. I don't know what I expected people would talk about in a support group for people with stage four cancer.  I was still in shock from my own diagnosis, I can see that now, and G.'s straight talk and unwillingness to engage with any of the pink ribbon, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, everything happens for a reason bullshit was jarring to me.  I looked at the group leader. I thought she might smooth out some of G.'s edges for the rest of us.  But eve

Hope and fear are two sides of one coin--this Buddhist observation is repeated by Sharon Salzberg, who tells us "we move from hope to fear to hope to fear to hope to fear in an endless loop." Yesterday G. from my metastatic support group died.  She had been in hospice care less than a handful of days.    G. scared the hell out of me the first time I went to group.  She was angry and caustic, I thought; she spoke of chemo as the poison "they" pump into our bodies that was going to kill all of us. I don't know what I expected people would talk about in a support group for people with stage four cancer.  I was still in shock from my own diagnosis, I can see that now, and G.'s straight talk and unwillingness to engage with any of the pink ribbon, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, everything happens for a reason bullshit was jarring to me.  I looked at the group leader. I thought she might smooth out some of G.'s edges for the rest of us.  But

From 1 Corinithians 7:33-8:4 in Papyrus 15, written in the 3rd century.  The original text is written in Koine Greek.  The New King James version:  When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. The 1560 Geneva Bible translated the phrase as "For now we see through a glass darkly," without the comma, which I infinitely prefer. I like the headlong rush from mirror to darkly, without pause, without drawing a line in the sand between what we see in the mirror and the existential pain of the word darkly. I don't know if I think things were so simple when we were children--perhaps it was harder to step away and look at oneself experiencing the world, a world that was not simple, often not kind, and filled with challenge.  But I have not been able to stray far fr

From 1 Corinithians 7:33-8:4 in Papyrus 15, written in the 3rd century.  The original text is written in Koine Greek.  The New King James version:  When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, darkly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. The 1560 Geneva Bible translated the phrase as "For now we see through a glass darkly," without the comma, which I infinitely prefer. I like the headlong rush from mirror to darkly, without pause, without drawing a line in the sand between what we see in the mirror and the existential pain of the word darkly. I don't know if I think things were so simple when we were children--perhaps it was harder to step away and look at oneself experiencing the world, a world that was not simple, often not kind, and filled with challenge.  But I have not been able to stra