a radio was on.

I came down the stairs early Thursday morning because, well, because we had to get up early to drive into MGH to get the results of my latest scans (and Boston seems to get farther and farther away, the roads filled with cars at inappropriate hours, the days dark by four, the flakes of snow slanting towards the weary eyes of the commuters, the cancer patients, the drivers with their loaves of bread, the troopers with their wary eyes, the equally wary drivers tuned into their apps: police ahead, disabled vehicle--the promise to outsmart traffic: should you merge at the last minute, should you wait patiently in the growing length of cars? What did being a good girl get you so far? There are no points for suffering), but also because I had woke up dismayed, remembering that I had forgotten to move the damn Elves on the Shelf.  Why do we have these elves? Where is my embattled Judaism? (This year, Elijah has stated his profound dislike of Christmas music, chalking it up to his Judaism--the

I came down the stairs early Thursday morning because, well, because we had to get up early to drive into MGH to get the results of my latest scans (and Boston seems to get farther and farther away, the roads filled with cars at inappropriate hours, the days dark by four, the flakes of snow slanting towards the weary eyes of the commuters, the cancer patients, the drivers with their loaves of bread, the troopers with their wary eyes, the equally wary drivers tuned into their apps: police ahead, disabled vehicle--the promise to outsmart traffic: should you merge at the last minute, should you wait patiently in the growing length of cars? What did being a good girl get you so far? There are no points for suffering), but also because I had woke up dismayed, remembering that I had forgotten to move the damn Elves on the Shelf.  Why do we have these elves? Where is my embattled Judaism? (This year, Elijah has stated his profound dislike of Christmas music, chalking it up to his Judaism--the

"Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful."  Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, or, The Modern Prometheus This isn't my dear friend from my metastatic cancer support group; it is a stock photo of someone about to undergo cyberknife treatment, or maybe it's just a model (which is to say, in this case, a healthy-looking woman, with the suggestion of conventional attractiveness under that mask (certainly make-up) who seems to have all her hair), pretending to be such a person. Lung, breast, and skin cancer are the most common sources of metastases to the brain.  Chemotherapy usually doesn't, never?--learning as I go here--reach brain metastases because of the blood-brain barrier, which protects the brain from toxins (like, ha! chemotherapy drugs).  Cyberknife, a focused, highly-targeted radiosurgery and fractionated radiotherapy (I don't know, I'm not a doctor) is an improvement in how modern medicine delivers radiation to the brain.  Although that woman ab

"Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful."  Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, or, The Modern Prometheus This isn't my dear friend from my metastatic cancer support group; it is a stock photo of someone about to undergo cyberknife treatment, or maybe it's just a model (which is to say, in this case, a healthy-looking woman, with the suggestion of conventional attractiveness under that mask (certainly make-up) who seems to have all her hair), pretending to be such a person. Lung, breast, and skin cancer are the most common sources of metastases to the brain.  Chemotherapy usually doesn't, never?--learning as I go here--reach brain metastases because of the blood-brain barrier, which protects the brain from toxins (like, ha! chemotherapy drugs).  Cyberknife, a focused, highly-targeted radiosurgery and fractionated radiotherapy (I don't know, I'm not a doctor) is an improvement in how modern medicine delivers radiation to the brain.  Although that wom

Mysterion, is a word (μυστήριον)  which does not sound in the modern English sense of mystery, as in something to be solved, an ending or a motive which will be revealed, as in Sherlock Holmes, or Agatha Christie, or Ruth Ware.  Which is mixing apples and oranges, I know, but if I said Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, would my youngish readers make the connection to the television series Bones?  Of course, witness the flurry of intense interest in the recent stories about Amelia Earhart--we are keen to have these mysteries solved, but we cleave to the idea of an unsolved mystery.  Easteār Island.  The five thousand blackbirds that threw themselves into building and poles, dying on New Year's Eve in 2010 in Arkansas.  Still these mysteries imply a solution, as yet undetermined, but still, determinable. Mysterion is inherently mystical.  In the Biblical Greek, mysterion means "that which awaits disclosure or interpretation." It's not meant to be solved, not meant to be determine

Mysterion, is a word (μυστήριον)  which does not sound in the modern English sense of mystery, as in something to be solved, an ending or a motive which will be revealed, as in Sherlock Holmes, or Agatha Christie, or Ruth Ware.  Which is mixing apples and oranges, I know, but if I said Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, would my youngish readers make the connection to the television series Bones?  Of course, witness the flurry of intense interest in the recent stories about Amelia Earhart--we are keen to have these mysteries solved, but we cleave to the idea of an unsolved mystery.  Easteār Island.  The five thousand blackbirds that threw themselves into building and poles, dying on New Year's Eve in 2010 in Arkansas.  Still these mysteries imply a solution, as yet undetermined, but still, determinable. Mysterion is inherently mystical.  In the Biblical Greek, mysterion means "that which awaits disclosure or interpretation." It's not meant to be solved, not meant to be dete

Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility. Aphorisms are ancient--a short(ish) and sweet observation meant to contain a general truth.  Words to live by, perhaps.  The stuff of Facebook.  That's where I found the aphorism that starts this post. I am tempted to take apart the first sentence--it's too stark for me, belies the way we live in community, in families, in the world.  We are wounded, yet sometimes we seek woundedness, in ourselves, in others, maybe because of the child who still lives within us, stirring, disappointed, wounded herself.  Sometimes we are wounded because we hurt first.  Sometimes we are wounded on bright, beautiful days, with unreal blue skies, and sometimes the ocean lulls us to sleep, and we are wounded then, in the darkness, suddenly awake with a gasp, alone.  Healing is my responsibility alone--that too feels like a tremendous responsibility.  And yet, we have some power over healing.  We can try to make choices t

Your wound is probably not your fault, but your healing is your responsibility. Aphorisms are ancient--a short(ish) and sweet observation meant to contain a general truth.  Words to live by, perhaps.  The stuff of Facebook.  That's where I found the aphorism that starts this post. I am tempted to take apart the first sentence--it's too stark for me, belies the way we live in community, in families, in the world.  We are wounded, yet sometimes we seek woundedness, in ourselves, in others, maybe because of the child who still lives within us, stirring, disappointed, wounded herself.  Sometimes we are wounded because we hurt first.  Sometimes we are wounded on bright, beautiful days, with unreal blue skies, and sometimes the ocean lulls us to sleep, and we are wounded then, in the darkness, suddenly awake with a gasp, alone.  Healing is my responsibility alone--that too feels like a tremendous responsibility.  And yet, we have some power over healing.  We can try to make cho